A Do Over

This morning I began my Slice and saved it to return to. It was a positive Mary Oliver "Why I Wake Early" inspiring thought. But now I cannot write about it. No space in my brain. I came home to my teenage daughter, standing in the kitchen with a look of distress. As I tried to engage with her, I made it worse, which was the opposite of my intention. But it didn't matter. She is still sad and I am too. And the worst thing about it is that as a teenager she will not hug me, my touch seems to hurt instead of heal. (What ever happen to my sweet, kissing, loving baby girl?)

In the kitchen, I stood wrestling with the dishes, cooking, an unfinished presentation waiting, and my life list along with everything else to do undone... I'm feeling very overwhelmed. And alone. I need a do over. I want to pick up the eraser, wipe clean methodically, everything I did wrong. Today. Yesterday. I want a chance to do it right. Hindsight is 20/20, and knowing what I know now, I would do better. I just know I would. 

Does that ever happen? Does an adult ever get a chance to do it over? Maybe in our imagination, a book, or a lottery ticket win but none of the former are my reality. So, here I sit, contemplating how best to pick up the pieces, organize this mess, and begin again. Sore knees and gritty hope, I will try again. I will push against giving up because, even though I am so tired, that just isn't an option.