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Tuesday, February 9, 2016

A Do Over

This morning I began my Slice and saved it to return to. It was a positive Mary Oliver "Why I Wake Early" inspiring thought. But now I cannot write about it. No space in my brain. I came home to my teenage daughter, standing in the kitchen with a look of distress. As I tried to engage with her, I made it worse, which was the opposite of my intention. But it didn't matter. She is still sad and I am too. And the worst thing about it is that as a teenager she will not hug me, my touch seems to hurt instead of heal. (What ever happen to my sweet, kissing, loving baby girl?)

In the kitchen, I stood wrestling with the dishes, cooking, an unfinished presentation waiting, and my life list along with everything else to do undone... I'm feeling very overwhelmed. And alone. I need a do over. I want to pick up the eraser, wipe clean methodically, everything I did wrong. Today. Yesterday. I want a chance to do it right. Hindsight is 20/20, and knowing what I know now, I would do better. I just know I would. 

Does that ever happen? Does an adult ever get a chance to do it over? Maybe in our imagination, a book, or a lottery ticket win but none of the former are my reality. So, here I sit, contemplating how best to pick up the pieces, organize this mess, and begin again. Sore knees and gritty hope, I will try again. I will push against giving up because, even though I am so tired, that just isn't an option. 


7 comments:

  1. Oh, no! Sorry you had a bad day. Yes, you can do over; not today, but tomorrow, ok? Teenagers! I have teens, too. Take care! (Jennifer Sniadecki)

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  2. Sore knees and gritty hope --- what a line. I'm writing that one down in my notebook.

    We get a do over every morning. Tomorrow is a new day. Wishing you peace.

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    1. Thank you. New day tomorrow and I am looking forward to doing better.

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  3. Beautiful writing and powerful imagery. Do overs are a real thing. Tomorrow.

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  4. oh, I remember my daughter's teen years, and some of them were hard. But as others have said, tomorrow is always the do-over, you (and your daughter) will get your second chances. And you're thinking about it in a positive way, which puts you ahead of the game.

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