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Wednesday, March 23, 2016

10 Years

It's funny how 10 years can seem like a decade in the eyes of a 16 year old looking down into big round eyes.

You are to be seen and not heard.
And
You can't go. This isn't for babies.

Turns into 45 and 55
Eye to eye connecting

Sweetie, would you join me for a glass of wine?
And
How do you think I should handle this? You are better with kids than me.

Baby sister and friend.
I am even sometimes your mama.

It's funny how 10 years became thin air.




Monday, March 21, 2016

One Thing

I heard an advertisement this morning that asked, "what's your one thing?". I cannot remember the context of the one thing (I should have had my notebook out except for I was certain that I would remember it!) but the simplicity of the one thing stuck with me. So I googled it, and found Jerry Keller's The1thing.com

The idea is amazing. While I don't think it is ground breaking or new, I do think it is so very important. He asks his readers to find the one thing that deserves their focus and in devoting your energy there, could fine-tune or make irrelevant other obligations. 

So, what is my one thing? I can honestly say, I have not a clue. Or maybe that I have a clue (surely I must know) hidden away in my subconscious because, if I found it, I would be totally unstoppable. 

And the world just isn't ready. 
One thing, I am going to hunt you down and slay you. 

I almost never listen to the Steve Harvey morning show but this morning I did and he said something I found valuable today. His point was think about what you do everyday to unwind. Be it a nap, playing mindless games, surfing the net, etc. and how it helps you accomplish your goals. If it doesn't, start investing that time into making your dream a reality. That is very accessible to me. I can do that one thing. 

Here's a list of things I normally do after work that I know does nothing for me. In fact, most all of it sets me back.
1. nap (I have horrible insomnia whether I nap or not)
2. pour a glass of wine
3. watch recorded shows
4. too much of nothing

So, in an effort to do something that gets me closer to happy me, I will pick at least one replacement for the above: 
1. take a walk
2. cook
3. clean a drawer (organized spaces make me happy)
4. write

I have really loved this March writing challenge. I have fallen off of the wagon a couple of times but for the next 10 days I want to finish strong.



The Slice of Life writing challenge is a chance to join a community of writers as a writer and a supporter. Not only will you experience the joy of writing together with others all over the world, you will receive comments and love from other writers. Join us all of March with your contribution. Find out more here







Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Family Day

My kids and I rarely spend  time together nowadays. All three of us leaving the house with the goal of hanging out just rarely happens. But today it did. They usually protest and complain no matter what our plans are and it isn't until much later I hear them reflect on the time with nostalgia. I had planned for us to tube, but they had other plans. Turned out to be an amazing day. Listening to them talk to each other and laugh together makes me so happy. In the future, these opportunities will take much more effort as my oldest makes his way to college and my baby's high school activities overflow. Today I am reminded to make our time together a priority.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

A Strong Woman

The second my mother laid eyes on my daughter she said, "She is going to be a strong woman!" I wondered how on earth my mother could make a statement like that as soon as the baby was born. But she was right. She is strong. She is strong-willed. She has a strong mind, strong opinions and the confidence of a privileged adult. I see her as everything that I wasn't as a child. She plays the trumpet, loves classical, speaks her mind and is a self assessed introvert.

She can pack a suitcase like nobody's business; rolls everything tight and always has what she needs. (Unfortunately, she is also very messy (like her mother) but we are really trying to do better.)

Spring cleaning... enter Marie Kondo and The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.

I read this book and because I want to be a better example and wanted to I would teach my kids the method as well. I knew Sheila would buy into because she loves Asian culture and already knows how to fold neatly and yea, all of that. I was wrong. She decided after about 30 minutes that she has a better solution to tidying. "Forget that Konmarie Method. I've got this mom."

So, I will try the method that Marie Kando claims is 100% foolproof and my daughter will try hers. I love that she is unwilling to buy into an idea just because it "supposedly works for everyone else".

Saturday, March 12, 2016

                                        



The Slice of Life writing challenge is a chance to join a community of writers as a writer and a supporter. Not only will you experience the joy of writing together with others all over the world, you will receive comments and love from other writers. Join us all of March with your contribution. Find out more here



Stream of thinking.

I used to think that one day I would grow up and get it right. Well, that hasn't happened yet. I have made accomplishments for sure, but what sticks out for me are the mistakes. I wish I had went with less, sacrificed more. Been more patient. Kept my eye on the prize. But life happened and I made my share of mistakes. If I could go back, I know I could get closer to the mark; I just know I would. I'd listen to my parents... They actually know what they are talking about. Now I know to do the best I can, with what I have. And that has to be enough.

Friday, March 11, 2016

Living My Truth


The Slice of Life writing challenge is a chance to join a community of writers as a writer and a supporter. Not only will you experience the joy of writing together with others all over the world, you will receive comments and love from other writers. Join us all of March with your contribution. Find out more here

Reading the About section of islandsofmysoul.com, I read this quote: 
Every day I am learning and unlearning more about who I am meant to be and how to live my truth and I’m so thankful you are here to join me on this journey so we can learn together. 
Shari :-)
"Every day I am learning and unlearning more about who I am meant to be and how to live my truth..." Living my own truth, is so important to me. For me, this means that I accept all of the mistakes of my past as well as forgive myself for them. In moving forward, the policy Bashing of Laura Lee not permitted" must be adhered to at all times. If the bashing begins, I stop it in its tracks, and the cycle of forgiveness and doing better begins again. Period. 
In one of Shari's slices she wrote, "I am being a tender wife to myself..." LOVE! I think that living my own truth requires the skill of taking good care of myself. Thinking deeply about what is best for me and my family and doing it; all with the love and kindness of a wife. In Proverbs 31:10 the Bible says, "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain."
Living my truth means valuing my rubies and trusting in my spirit. I may never get this right, no one is perfect, but it means the world to me that I make it a continuous pursuit. Always. 
To My Well Being
All is well within you.
Your smile brightens the darkness
Hope encircles you
Tight as a vault (like grandpa's hugs)
Hope has your hand 
Leading you through trials 
Conquering tribulations
At all times
Through pain
Through joy
Hope will provide.
Compassion 
Reassurance
You, my dear are
Forgiven.
It is all yours. 
Take a hold of hope 
And continue in knowing
All is well within you. 


Thursday, March 10, 2016

With Tom Romano in Mind






This is a multi-genre slice in honor of the great Tom Romano. He has influenced my teaching of writing and I treasure his thinking and the "lifting up" of his students' work. Through him, I learned to give students agency in the classroom as well as to appreciate my own craft.



2 Musings:

Saw a reflection of myself. Surprised me. Walking around in my stretch skinny jeans, I saw a glimpse of the curves my legs used to be... muscles rising to the surface posing: just for me. A personal tribute to the few weeks of (semi-) dedication to lifting and panting.

I'd taken a two day sabbatical from the funky gym in rebellion of Monday's struggle. Monday, my legs were blocks of concrete. Today wasn't as hard. Today was so much better. Today I ran a bit faster and breathed a bit easier. Gratitude: check.


2 quotes via text this week at 4:00 a.m. from my sweet boyfriend who is learning how to encourage me (in ways that do not awake my inner beast). 

This was my fav:
#1
Him: 
"You don't have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great." Zig Ziglar 

Your workout quote for the day. Good morning Laura lee! Up and at it!

Me: 
Hey baby! I am up and at it!

#2 
Him:
"If it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." 

Your workout quote for the day. 

Good Morning Laura Lee! Up and at it!
I'm proud of you. Summer bodies are made in the winter. 

Me: Awwww, thank you baby. 

Two things I am thankful for:
1. My kids
2. My parents

Two lyrics from two of my favorite tunes--

Number One 
by Robert Glasper and Ledisi:

just bring me the sunshine with your smile
I will be okay
no matter if the rain falls when you call
I will be okay
just bring me the sunshine with your smile
I will be okay
no matter if the rain falls when you call
I will be okay


Number Two 
by Jill Scott:


I'm holding on to my freedom,
Can't take it from me,
I was born into it,
It comes naturally,
I'm strumming my own freedom,
Playing the god in me,
Representing his glory,
Hope he's proud of me,
I'm living my life like its golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, golden,...


Two Things
Life is so much simpler 
without 
multi-tasking. 
When numbering 
1.
and then
2.
it all seems manageable.
Task #1. check
Task # 2. check
Even though the ocean
of life looms behind me, 
the sound soothes 
One and then two.
Palatable
Bit by bit
One at a time,
Check
Check
Breathe in.
Breath out.












Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Stomach Virus Blues

Quiet moans and sobs through the night kept me us just on the edge of rest. With no way to comfort her, I felt helpless and exhausted. As a baby, a firm cuddle along with gentle movements always worked. I was her go to. As long as I was around, she felt safe. Now as a teenager, she wants to handle most everything on her own, even this flu. Out of respect, I resist the urge to pull her close, smoothe her hair with my hands and whisper, "Everything will be okay sweetie", because that is no longer comforting to my teenage girl. So I offer her my bed, hand her a towel and listen to her moans; with inaudible assurances and invisible touches. Because that is what she needs from me now.

Monday, March 7, 2016

The Good Ole Days

Leafing through my photos I stumbled upon this cute picture of me and a couple Texas teachers. I knew one of them from the Central Texas Writing Project, but the other I met on the plane ride there. We were on our way to Vegas for the Nat'l Council of Teachers of English (NCTE) annual bash. Vegas and a teachers convention? Not the best fit in my mind, but so much fun.

I hope every teacher, at some point, has the opportunity to attend a national literacy convention at least once.

I miss the days that I had several opportunities a year to travel and meet with like minds to learn, exchange ideas, and bond.

I miss the days when our schools had adequate funding to buy books, materials and deliver meaningful, ongoing PD.

There are still opportunities for growth. BUT you must seek them. You must learn new spaces for interaction. You must stretch beyond comfort zones. You must really want it.

Do we want it enough guide our own learning? I think everyone slicing is either there of on their way.


Cheers to all who are writing. Cheers to all who make it a point to read, do better, be better.

Our students' lives depend on our continued learning.





Sunday, March 6, 2016

Music Makes Me Know All is Well

Jill Scott is, by far, one of my favorite artist. I love her so much because she is a poet. And her words speak to my soul. No matter my mood, when I listen to her, I am transformed. Transformed back into the happy, feeling like I-can-do-anything-person I am. This morning I had lots to do and I felt like climbing right back in the bed. I plugged in the Bose and hit my Jill Scott playlist.

She has a hidden track, titled I Am. It is all I think about myself and more. I wish I would have written it. One year I wrote my own but I still love hers more. So I have pasted the words below for your pleasure:

I am a boisterous river
I am a mountains story
I am a quiet feeling
I am a fragrant flower
I am a moonlit evening
I am a peaceful night
I am a writers thinking
I am a wealth unfathomed
And if you don't recognize my presence, I am here
And if you don't recognize me, I am here
I am a source of power
I am excited journey
I am the rock of patience
I am a whisper singing
I am unbridled freedom
I am the thought from thinking
I am a love unshattered
I am the great orgasm
And if you don't recognize my presence, I am here
And if you don't recognize my presence, I am here
And even if you don't recognize me, I'm still here
And even if you don't recognize me
And even if you don't recognize me, I'm still here
And even if you don't recognize me, I am, oh, I'm still here
Even if you don't recognize me, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here


Read more: Jill Scott - Still Here (Hidden Track) Lyrics | MetroLyrics 



Saturday, March 5, 2016

Just a Dream. Thank God!

The Slice of Life Challenge is hosted by Two Writing Teachers. Each March, educators around the globe are invited to live their lives as writers: writing everyday and commenting on others' writing. Relationships are made and writers are born. 


I had a nightmare. A full fledged nightmare. Heart racing. Panic. It was my worst nightmare, aside from the former recurring Doberman Pincher mauling nightmare, because that was horrible at the time as well. I hate nightmares.

I have a one-day guided reading pd next week. It is a repeat for me but I read the online comments, not the reflections they provide before they leave, the form they fill out to receive their certificate. Those. One person said that they really hoped to leave being able to implement the practice in their classroom. That hit me hard because I want them to feel confident to start as well. But in one day, and I told them this over and over, they wouldn't know everything there is to know about GR and they would have to become comfortable by doing it. Trusting themselves. Knowing that perfection doesn't exist. Even Fountas and Pinnell say that they are still learners of the craft. I want participants to walk away feeling good about the time they spent exploring the ideas and go back to campus to start the learning through implementation. So I am reworking the day long worksop.

So back to the nightmare. I dreamt that it was the morning of the workshop and I woke up. Nothing was finished. I didn't know what I was going to do: nothing was ready even though I had been up almost all night before working on it. I woke up after dozing off; computer, papers and confusion all around me, so confused and unprepared. And late.

It took me a couple of minutes to realize it was just a dream. A horrible nightmare. But the thing I love about nightmares is that they are not true. Not true. Whewww!

Wish me luck guys. Pray that my participants leave my workshop understanding the power of meeting with small groups.


Friday, March 4, 2016

Borrowing Words and Ideas: An Option for Writing


The Slice of Life writing challenge is a chance to join a community of writers as a writer and a supporter. Not only will you experience the joy of writing together with others all over the world, you will receive comments and love from other writers. Join us all of March with your contribution. Find out more here


Sally inspired me today. She is my birthday sister. Here is what she wrote about her mentors: 


"Thanks, Fran McVeigh for teaching me this poetry format who learned it from Erin Baker’s “Since Last March” found here."


Today I will borrow from the others who wrote before me. 


Since last May 

I turned 45 
A few blinks it seems
Another year
Numbers increasing 
Time decreasing
Oh how things change.
Didn't step foot on a plane
nor cross state lines.
My first born baby worked
all year long
turned 17 
lives at the gym
looks like a grown man
and will file taxes.
My baby turns 15
Hasn't grown an inch 
Feisty as ever
Still strong
Since last May, 

Mistakes were made 
Scarred but thankful, 
I say:
Goodbye blame
I'm still standing
Hello 46. 

_____


Like Sally, I used the stems from Fran's poem:

I’ve taken a trip to…
My baby turned…
Good-bye to…
Hello to...

Thursday, March 3, 2016

A Seat at the Table



The Slice of Life writing challenge is a chance to join a community of writers as a writer and a supporter. Not only will you experience the joy of writing together with others all over the world, you will receive comments and love from other writers. Join us all of March with your contribution. Find out more here

I think it is Nancie Atwell that uses the metaphor of the dining room table for workshop. During the National Writing Project's Summer Institutes, we take a seat at the table to engage with one another around literacy. Every summer I have participated in the institute I am always amazed at how reading, talking writing (And food. Cannot forget food.) creates such strong bonds so quickly. Any TC I have ever met says so. As well, you will hear of the unexpected personal stories that unfold, the amount of tears shed and a few that find the "counseling atmosphere" a bit annoying. I never did. For me, when I write it is usually about pain. The dark underbelly of my life that I work to hide form most people. I have always known this about myself. Even as a child I wrote in journals pushed under my bed, out of my sibling's sight. Pain surfaces when I write. I would rather not share too much pain with others but it seeps out of my mind onto the paper most of the time.

This challenge is amazing for many reasons. For me personally, it is a chance to commit myself to a meaningful pursuit. Although I hope not to let pain pour from my fingertips in this public place, I will not sensor the truth because what I love most is writing that is real. I will be true in this space and dig for the happy at the same time.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Grandma Used to Say

This morning I thought of Bill Wither's Grandma's Hands.

Grandma's hands
Soothed a local unwed mother
Grandma's hands
Used to ache sometimes and swell
Grandma's hands
Used to lift her face and tell her,
She'd say "Baby, Grandma understands
That you really love that man
Put yourself in Jesus hands"
Grandma's hands
_____________________

Which led me to think about my grandmother: Claire Elaine Flowers
My grandmother's hands are long gone from my eyes, yet remain in my senses attached to memories in whiffs of her powdered skin.
Dainty, smooth and petite; they'd handled a lifetime.
Whenever my soul was storming
her voice r
reassured me
the rhythm
of this world.
Storm, sun.
Tragedy, relief.
Loss, love.
Pain, joy.
Loved, broken.

It was Claire that told me to ride it out because this too, shall pass.
She was a woman of few words, but she positioned a soft, understanding space for me to rest my worries.



Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Because Nikki Said So


The Slice of Life writing challenge is a chance to join a community of writers as a writer and a supporter. Not only will you experience the joy of writing together with others all over the world, you will receive comments and love from other writers. Join us all of March with your contribution. Find out more here
Last night, I was watching one of my favorite shows: My 600-lb Life. This is a graphic show and mostly depressing. What I love about it though are the stories. Stories of succeeding over a tremendous struggle. I mean, I am fighting to loose 20 lbs and it is hard work. It requires being consistent, one of my greatest challenges. Nikki, 33 yrs old and 650 ish lbs, was featured last night as a fan favorite. In her past she had kept a container by her bed of high calorie delicacies. After loosing 60 of the 500 pds, she said this, "I have emptied my container because its contents were disrespectful to my new life style."

That made so much sense to me. When I am trying on new habits, I need to respect all of my hard work. I need to respect my soul's desire to be fit. Slipping backwards is washing away the progress I have worked so hard accomplish.

The value of Nikki's words are gold to me. I respect our struggle to change, morph, transform into the life we deserve for ourselves. Here's to you, Nikki!





Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Boiling Rice at 4:44

Boiling Rice at 4:44.

It is my desire to wake each day with the goal of taking better care of my body (no excuses to miss the gym this early) and continue to do the best I can for my teens (sometimes I feel like giving up to my selfish desires). They are getting so old.

Yesterday, when filling out a survey, there was an entry for number of children in the household under 18. But when I tried to enter my oldest's birthday, the year 1998 wasn't present. The form stopped at 1999. This took be aback. I thought to myself, "2000 zero zero party... tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999. He was born in 1998, right?"

Just for a moment, 1998 it seemed so long ago. Before I know it, he will be gone. Gone on to college, into his post mommy life, his early morning/late night spontaneous hugs and kisses will be a memory.

So this morning, I boil rice for his lunch because I want to treasure these moments.




Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Just My Opinion Man!

You know, writing is hard work. Teaching writing to students is hard work. Teaching students to add details might be one of the harder concepts to teach. There are ways to teach it--like requiring students have a certain number of details per idea, that can be counterproductive to real writing AND strangle the voice of the writer.

Here are some requirements I heard today:
When teaching expository writing, never let a student use an anecdote; they may slip into narrative
Always require students to have 4 details for each main idea
I require students to use a preview statement.

What if I do not have 4 details to add to my main topic?
What if I have 2 strong details to support that main idea? Should I scrap it?
Is it not a good idea?

What writer ever said that a certain number of details is the magic number? No one.

Some of the best writing is not organized in one specific way however, some of the worst writing might be.

School writing and life writing shouldn't be so different. My daughter tells me that it is. She believes in fact, school writing and life writing are different and they should be.

She texted me, "If we weren't supplied a formula (thesis, example, explanation) then we wouldn't know where to start. The teachers are teaching us how to write about a prompt rather than waiting three hours to get inspiration and cramming in the last hour."

I understand what she is saying, I do. My problem is that she isn't drawing information from her life. She sees inspiration as outside of herself, which makes me sad.


To Be A...

To Be A...

a mother of teens
teacher of teachers
a woman
a human
a daughter
sister
friend
is to be alive.

If You Are Silent About Your Pain...

"If you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it." Zora Neale Hurston

Writing about pain seems private. Who wants to hang each tear, lonely night, and regretted conversation outside of their door? Yet I know that writing is transformational. It helps move me through pain in a way that nothing else can. And it empowers, validates and releases me; like a deep exhalation after holding my breath. Writing transports me back through time. A glance through my writing and I witness the themes and topics of my past, remembering the forgotten.

But if I don't write, I don't tell my story, no one will truly know how I feel. I smile a lot. It is a genuine smile, a loving smile, a smile for others. My smile is a gift from God. Except for sometimes that smile isn't the whole piece of my story. Sometimes I am distressed, wondering how I will make it another day. I am human. That's how it be sometimes. Inside hurts and it's okay. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day.

If I don't tell it, my pain is for not. Then others think my smile is reflective of this journey. My smile is important, I am grateful for it, but is isn't all of me.

Zora knew that history is mind of the teller. I will be the teller of my story-- if someone else tells it, it will be fragments of their memory, not mine.





Tuesday, February 9, 2016

A Do Over

This morning I began my Slice and saved it to return to. It was a positive Mary Oliver "Why I Wake Early" inspiring thought. But now I cannot write about it. No space in my brain. I came home to my teenage daughter, standing in the kitchen with a look of distress. As I tried to engage with her, I made it worse, which was the opposite of my intention. But it didn't matter. She is still sad and I am too. And the worst thing about it is that as a teenager she will not hug me, my touch seems to hurt instead of heal. (What ever happen to my sweet, kissing, loving baby girl?)

In the kitchen, I stood wrestling with the dishes, cooking, an unfinished presentation waiting, and my life list along with everything else to do undone... I'm feeling very overwhelmed. And alone. I need a do over. I want to pick up the eraser, wipe clean methodically, everything I did wrong. Today. Yesterday. I want a chance to do it right. Hindsight is 20/20, and knowing what I know now, I would do better. I just know I would. 

Does that ever happen? Does an adult ever get a chance to do it over? Maybe in our imagination, a book, or a lottery ticket win but none of the former are my reality. So, here I sit, contemplating how best to pick up the pieces, organize this mess, and begin again. Sore knees and gritty hope, I will try again. I will push against giving up because, even though I am so tired, that just isn't an option.