"If you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say you enjoyed it." Zora Neale Hurston
Writing about pain seems private. Who wants to hang each tear, lonely night, and regretted conversation outside of their door? Yet I know that writing is transformational. It helps move me through pain in a way that nothing else can. And it empowers, validates and releases me; like a deep exhalation after holding my breath. Writing transports me back through time. A glance through my writing and I witness the themes and topics of my past, remembering the forgotten.
But if I don't write, I don't tell my story, no one will truly know how I feel. I smile a lot. It is a genuine smile, a loving smile, a smile for others. My smile is a gift from God. Except for sometimes that smile isn't the whole piece of my story. Sometimes I am distressed, wondering how I will make it another day. I am human. That's how it be sometimes. Inside hurts and it's okay. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow is a new day.
If I don't tell it, my pain is for not. Then others think my smile is reflective of this journey. My smile is important, I am grateful for it, but is isn't all of me.
Zora knew that history is mind of the teller. I will be the teller of my story-- if someone else tells it, it will be fragments of their memory, not mine.